Choosing a Man vs. Career

One of my colleagues that I have known for a while (even before I took this job) asked me if I would leave the job if my husband had to take a job elsewhere.  For me, the question doesn’t compute.  My husband is a teacher, a teacher with quite a bit of seniority at that.  There is no way he is taking a job elsewhere, under any circumstance that I can think of, under any scenario. 

But the person asking the question, asked in attempt to define what type of woman I was — was I career driven or driven by my personal life?  My colleague also happened to be a man.

Of course I told him I would go if I had to, but that I really didn’t really think that was likely to happen.  So it was an easy answer.  The more I thought about it, the more I wasn’t sure if that was the case.  I am not saying I would leave him, but I would strongly lobby him to stay and forgo the other opportunity…  But then what?

The question didn’t bother me at first.  But the more I thought about it, the more it did. 

  • Why would a question like that define the type of woman I am? 
  • Why the hell didn’t I ask him the same question back?
  • Why is it okay to ask a woman that question, yet it didn’t even PHASE me to THINK to ask him the question back?  Is it because he is a man?

Gender roles are so engrained in our thinking, that clearly even our most automatic of our behaviors are trained by those roles.  I didn’t even THINK to ask him the same question.  Wow.

Well it’s been a rough day due to some stressful situations around the office today.  So I am going to forgo my gender role of drinking wine this evening, and opt for the Crown.  Because it has been one of those days!

Have a great weekend!


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